Jerry, you need to find god
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
