dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
