Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
