i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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