He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
