So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
