I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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