I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
