So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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