You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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