I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
