I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
