I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.