Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.