WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
