whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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