Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
