His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
