this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
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a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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