Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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