I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize