I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
