I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
