He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
