So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
