Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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