UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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