so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize