maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
