im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
