We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
