Who wears a wallet chain?!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
