i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
