I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
