Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let's get the cat blown out
This can only be settled by a dance off.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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