You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
