before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
