Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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