im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
