I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
