just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
