you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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