You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize