Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize