literally had 100 drinks last night.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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