There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
