idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
