Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
