she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
