Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
