omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
how does that bad decision feel?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
