Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
