If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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