Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
