I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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