GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
