my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
