Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
