You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
