My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I'm really busy with my period
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