I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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