She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
