i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
