He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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